Today was my day to handle lots of annoying phone calls and general bookkeeping boring-ness.
I know, right? Blah.
But I got it all taken care of and everything was fine except I came to one very serious conclusion: I really can’t stand the term “boyfriend”. Especially in reference to my significant other. No one takes us seriously. There has got to be a better way.
You might have noticed that I refer to Chad on this blog pretty often, and always by his first name. I do this because there are seriously no words in the English language that encompass a serious but “legally” unofficial relationship. We share a home, we share our lives. We share finances and families and schedules. We parent together. Chad and I function as a unit, just as most couples do, and our lives are intertwined in a pretty great way.
But technically he is my boyfriend. And “boyfriend” just doesn’t really cover it.
Today, for instance, I was handling all this boring but necessary household stuff. You know, all those annoying phone calls that need to be made but you just really don’t feel like doing it and then you put it off and one call turns into 15? Like random charges that appear on phone bills and requesting itemized statements from the doctor’s office and then pausing to internet shop for spring shoes at Target because you realize that it’s almost 70 degrees and you have nothing cute to put on your feet … you get the point, right? Right. So I, the notoriously terrible liar, make these phone calls and get tripped up by the girlfriend card every single time.
The conversations go like this:
Company Representative:”Can I have your full name please?”
Me: “Uhm… well my name is Heather but the name on the account is Chad. Here let me be super helpful and give you the account number. And yes I can verify all of the important I-am-not-an-identity thief things.” (Note– why will these people not take money from me without the third degree? Like what if I was just a secret millionaire and I wanted to go around paying people’s bills? That can’t actually be a crime, right?)
Company Representative: “And what is your relation to Chad, ma’am?”
Me: (I swear they get me on this question every. single. time. And I know it’s coming!!! So annoying.) “I’m his uh… er… I’m his girlfriend.”
In that second I go from a thirty-two-year-old grown up that handles all the grown up things to a gum popping seventeen-year-old that needs a permission slip for life.
And then the wall goes up.
They tell me every single time that they are sorry, but they can’t tell me anything blah blah blah. And in my head I’m screaming, “I already know all the answers!! I don’t need you to tell me anything!! Just help me! Okay?!”
I know in my head that I could just lie. I could drop the big “wife” bomb and Company Representative is probably never gonna know the difference. It’s not like she’s gonna put me on hold and try to Google a marriage license. But it’s just too big, you guys.
I can’t do it.
I can’t even tell the tiniest fib about being married or even engaged (can any of you say the word fee-yon-say and take yourselves seriously? I mean, we’re not engaged– I couldn’t lie about that to a stranger either– but when you use that word do people behave as if you have a grown up relationship?). Someone get me Goldie Hawn’s phone number, please? I have so many questions.
- 1 recipe Martha Stewart Banana Cupcakes
- 1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
- ½ cup unsalted butter, softened
- 1- 1½ cups powdered sugar, sifted
- ¼ teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 4 tablespoons Bailey’s Irish Cream Liqueur, divided
- ½ cup semi sweet chocolate chips
- In a large bowl beat together the cream cheese and butter until whipped and smooth. Beat in the powdered sugar (one cup to start, adding more late on to reach the desired consistency if necessary), starting on low and slowly increasing the speed to medium until it’s incorporated.
- Add in the salt and vanilla. Beat for about a minute.
- Then beat in two tablespoons of the Bailey’s Irish Cream until smooth. Add more powdered sugar to thicken if necessary.
- Frost the cooled cupcakes.
- In a small saucepan heat the remaining 2 tablespoons of Bailey’s over medium heat. Add the chocolate chips and stir frequently until melted. Spoon the Bailey’s flavored chocolate over each frosted cupcake or dip each cupcake top in to coat.
- Let the chocolate cool before serving- you can refrigerate the cupcakes to speed this process a little.
Quick note on these cupcakes: I used Martha Stewart’s Banana Cupcake Recipe. It’s a really simple recipe and they always turn out full of banana, moist and delicious BUT!!!! Do not bake those babies for the called for 25 to 30 minutes!! It dries them out. Please do yourselves a favor and check them at 18 to 20 minutes. That is plenty. I also like to bake my cupcakes at 325, but my oven is a zillion year old freak of kitchen appliance so take that with a grain of salt.
I have many friends that are in your same situation. Can be frustrating when dealing with financial issues and such. Actually living in Japan and HK even if your married can be absolutely frustrating in the same way. It is my hard earned money in the account and it can only be placed under the mans name in Japan. What? don’t even get me started on this topic… So the good news is at least you are not in Asia as you would be really frustrated. that little baileys bomb looks delicious and might take the edge off your woes. Take Care, BAM
Bam’s Kitchen recently posted…Norimaki Mochi with Sweet Sakura Glaze
Oh my gosh I can’t even imagine! You know we actually abandoned one bank in favor of another because the first wouldn’t give us shared access to the account in The UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. The second took care of our joint needs no problem. But I still have to call him my “boyfriend”. Ha.
Thanks, Bam!
I actually had a utility company rep tell me on the phone that it was illegal in South Carolina to keep my maiden name after marriage and I better take care of that. Having lived in SC, I actually believe it might be true. Still, people can be very hypocritical. I work with several women who married for money and social standing and who despise their husbands. So THAT is ok because they have a piece of paper, but living with someone you love is not? We have a long way to go, baby. At least you have Baileys. And cupcakes. Hope today is more fun!
Deanna recently posted…Healthier Home Pest Control
I would totally believe that is a South Carolina truth. I could literally throw a rock at South Carolina from my front porch. And that cultural sentiment sort of melts over here to where we live (obviously). What’s weird for me are all the women where I live that say they are married to their significant other when they are NOT. Marriage is such a HUGE deal!! I could definitely never be so casual about it. Also– when I fill out applications for revenue opportunities with advertisers “Living with Partner” is always the only option that applies to my circumstances, except I think that in the marketing world they want that to apply to same sex couples. So… I don’t fit there either. Dang.
Who needs a title when it comes to relationships – I think you have something special that is enough
Lovely looking cupcakes today! I would eat them in a second1
Cheers
Choc Chip Uru
Choc Chip Uru recently posted…Guest Post #1: Pasta Puttanesca
Thanks! I don’t need the title, but the bank people do, so…
Maybe I should bribe them with cupcakes?
Come to my house – make me these cupcakes! Martha Stewart will not mind at all if you do…she reads my analysis – so I’m good with her.
Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher recently posted…Blogging in My Birthday Suit – The Naked Trooper
I’ve made 2 Martha recipes in the last few weeks and I’ve had to tweak them both to make them right! I have to think that her staff must be responsible for the problems because I get the feeling that Miss Martha would FAH-REAK out about dry cupcakes, right?
She reads your analysis? For your work? What? Are you being serious or did I miss a joke (serious lack of coffee today)?
I love Goldie!! Do you think you guys will ever get married?? A woman I worked with dated a guy for 25 years…of course that ended badly, not that yours will, but the point is she used to hate calling him her ‘boyfriend.’ She said it made her feel young and stupid haha You could just call him your lover! haha That would really throw those representatives!!! Or just tell him he’s your b*tch hahahaha that would get people talking…have a little fun with it!!! Meanwhile if it makes you feel better when I think of Chad I was think of him as your ‘man’ not your ‘boyfriend’ sounds much cooler, don’t you think? haha
I don’t know if we’ll ever get married? Both of us had a bad experience with marriage at a young age so I think that if we ever get there everything will need to be just exactly right. No rushing you know what I mean? The commitment isn’t the issue at all, it’s more about wanting to do things the way we wanna do them. In the meantime we handle loans and insurance and everything jointly and I have no idea how to refer to him. I’d love to say something obnoxious or crass because it would be super funny, but I think the reps on the phone would be less inclined to help me.