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Clumsy Kitchen

I have two left feet. It is possible that I also may have two left hands. I give you Exhibit A:raspberry Greek yogurt. I opened a little single-serving carton for breakfast this morning. While I licked the lid (a most important part of eating yogurt) I spun the container around in my hand, trying to mentally tabulate the nutritional information and read the expiration date.

I’m not sure exactly how it happened, but the yogurt carton took a nose dive onto the spongy kitchen mat in front of my sink.

And landed with a splat.

I was left standing there in my slippered feet with a licked-clean foil lid, my sad half empty container of yogurt lolling on its side in the floor. But it doesn’t end there. The raspberry Greek yogurt had flung itself across the kitchen, down a short hallway and onto my bedroom carpet in the blink of an eye.

Did I mention that the yogurt also managed to drizzle itself completely down the front of my cozy house sweater and spatter my chin? All this AFTER 3 cups of coffee. I can only  imagine what would have been the magnitude of this disaster had I been less than fully caffeinated. Is it possible to feel embarrassed without an audience? This morning I’m voting yes.

Once while loading food into the car for a family holiday, I (armed with a bottle of wine and a cheesecake) managed to slip on the back porch in my heels. I did a split and came crashing down on my right knee. Chad was standing a few steps below me arranging the heavier dishes in the floorboard and looked up to see what all the raucous was about. With a straight face he said, “Are you ok?!”

“Yeah,” I replied with a groan, totally pissed off and humiliated.

Chad doubled over laughing and said, “Good save!,” before he came to help me out of my dilemma. I had skinned my knee and smudged rainy dirt on my jeans, but that morning both the bottle of wine AND the cheesecake came out unscathed (which is more than I can say for my pride).

I am an infinite klutz.

I finally got my morning disaster cleaned up here. Nothing like scrubbing carpets on your hands and knees on a Monday morning. And when I got around to salvaging my yogurt, I added an extra spoonful of granola (okay, maybe it was 2) to make up for all the raspberry goodness wasted on my kitchen floor.

I make granola in great big batches and store it in zip-loc bags for easy access. It’s like happy homemade cereal, and I do it a little different every time. Also it beats the heck out of paying $5 a box for storebought cereal. and there’s no high-fructose corn syrup in sight.

Old fashioned oats are the way to go.

Oil, honey, brown sugar, and vanilla extract are boiled and then mixed with the chopped walnuts and unsweetened coconut.

Stir well and then spread your granola across two 9X13 baking dishes or cookie sheets (with a lip around the edge).

Bake for an hour at 275 or 300, stirring about every 15-20 minutes. Let it cool completely before removing from the baking dishes (it will harden into little “clumps” of oatey goodness as it cools).

Great Granola


6 cups old fashioned oats

1 cup chopped walnuts, pecans, and/or almonds

1/2 cup flaked unsweetened coconut

1/3 cup vegetable oil

1/2 cup honey

1/2 cup packed brown sugar

2 tablespoons of water

2 teaspoons of vanilla extract

To Make

Preheat the oven to 275 or 300 (every oven is different, and truth be known, all the numbers except 350 have rubbed off the dial on my oven so I make an educated guess). In a large bowl combine the oats, nuts, and coconut. On the stove in a medium saucepan and over medium high heat stir together the vegetable oil, honey, brown sugar, water, and vanilla extract. Bring to a slow boil, stirring constantly and then remove from the heat. Stir the liquid with the oat mixture and evenly spread the uncooked granola between two 9X13 baking dishes. Bake for about an hour, stirring every 15 or 20 minutes. Let the granola cool completely before scraping it out of the pans and into airtight storage.

***This stuff is also amazing on top of ice cream or frozen yogurt.***

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Monday 23rd of January 2012

You are hilarious. I know how you feel, I am pretty clumsy myself. Nice save with the granola though!